Turquoise Sky

I seem to be going back to my old habits once again.
I keep missing the boat. I lose control of myself.
I come across as Intractable, contrary, perverse, unpredictable, unemotional and detached.
All these negatives come and consume me. This is where my dark side is revealed.
This is where I show everyone, what they haven't seen in me.
I am sometimes disappointed emotionally because of my own, high, personal ideals causing me to demand more of others than is reasonable. And if I am deceived, then my anger is terrible and may sometimes get out of control.
The only thing that I'm bound and find hard doing is letting down the mental guard that I keep on my emotions, that stops me from being the self I long to be.
I must admit I am flawed. But then yet again, who isn't.
I am who I am, at least I'm true.
Although these things happen unintentionally, I'll find a way to prevent them.
I'll work through this. I'm Independent and I stand alone most of the time.
It's me against the world most of the time.
So I'll find my own way, no matter how long it takes me.
I'll find myself and bring the best out.
For now, I'll just remain the insane person I always am.

x.