Define the meaning of

It's been such a long, long time since I've blogged, however I would like to change this. I always find myself in the stupidest situations, situations that tear my life to pieces bit by bit. I feel so alone. I try so hard to be creative and aim to inspire others, yet I fill them with envy and hate for me. The truth is that my presence fills the room with an intense atmosphere, if I don't get something right, my mood shifts and changes, bringing others down with it. It is not my fault, it is just how I see and react to things and this way people hate me for it. I have experienced so much hate in my life it's tearing me apart. People around me, friends, close ones, family all seem to fill me with darkness and push me as far away as possible. Now I'm utterly unsure if this is just the sadness I'm addicted to, or it is actually the truth that others sometimes try to mask. I used to not care, not to give a flying fuck or a rats ass about what anyone thought of me. But this is different, I try doing something good by someone and all I recieve is criticism and how much bad I'm doing. I just feel so alone, a failure and I dont know how much longer ill be feeling this, I just need someone to save me and tell me that I actually have a place in this world.