New Year - New Beginning.

New Year, it always has a new beginning, well for most people.
It feels like re-birth, something so astonishing. A new start that will push everything in the past. People usually use New Year as a day to get rid of everything unpleasant in their lives, they leave it in the past. They even give or seek for forgiveness.
I know I have left the past behind, in fact it is now completely out of my mind. I won't miss 2009, it did me no good. It was all filled with so many complications, My mind was clouded with unpleasant thoughts all the time. It was like I was being haunted, not letting happiness appear in my sight, living in darkness. There was no light, even if I saw light I would approach it slowly and it would get dimmer and dimmer by each step I took, until it faded, completely. I let the good things slip through my fingers each and every time, I gave up on things I shouldn't have, I hurt people I shouldn't have.

This year though, I have a feeling it will be different. Because I began not caring about what wanted to bring me down, I began stronger. Now I have reclaimed my happiness and I feel whole again. I may not have what I really wanted, but I have what I need. I have realised that sometimes you can't get what you want, you have to get what you need.
I have what I need, although if It doesn't sutisfy me 100%. I am still 100% Happy.

x.

Selfish

When are you ever going to learn that the world doesn't revolve around your finger?
To me you are stupid. I find you in places where you don't belong.
Where can you belong in my life?. I can't make a choice for you, that choice has already been made and it wasn't by me. If I had a choice it would of been different.
You're worthless, not good enough to waste my time on.
We are close, I would do anything for you, but all you do is fuck me over.
I keep trying, trying my hardest to show you that this is not how I ever wanted you to treat me, that you're not doing anything good for me, that you're hurting me, that you're making me Hate You.
Hatred is not a good choice between us. You are the force that is pushing us apart, away from our friendship, away from our trust.
It seems like you couldn't care less about our friendship, that this is nothing and you wouldn't give a f*** if anything happened to it.
Like those wonderful days and nights where our stomachs ached from laughter, where the only thing we could do was run, run freely, brushing our hands though those colourful flowers meant nothing.
I don't want to lose our friendship. I don't want to lose you. You have a part in my life and I don't want to put you out of it.
I can't put you out of it. You are family.
Although to you it could be nothing, I could be nothing.
Everything about you is careless, Of course why would you care? The only thing you truly care about is yourself. Everything is about you.
Don't try denying it, it will only show the effect it has on you and the anger it's caused you, it would only make it worse. I know you pretty well to judge or else I wouldn't bother. You can't prove me wrong, no one can.
If you can and think that our friendship is something and it will last, Then I would suggest change, because change is what you clearly need now, a change that would bring the laughter back, the happiness, the immortality of our friendship.
The change that would prevent the hatred I'm developing for you.

x.

Please don't mind me crawling on your back.

I'm trying to look for a way to start this but all I can say is that I am truly happy.
Everything's pretty much returning to the way I wanted it to be.
Things are looking up. Finally.
You're gone, the past has gone and I know that I will not miss any of it because I know that I'm better off without it..

Holidays are in 2 weeks time. I want to leave this horible place. I want to go on a holiday, somewhere beautiful, somewhere amazing, somewhere where it has the most beautiful sunsets ever. Queensland-Gold Coast, Yes I want to go there so badly this summer.
Hopefully I'll go, unless something stupid happens that would ruin everything. That's when I'll be really pissed.

I'm also excited for Christmas, Yes, presents, Santa, Colourful lights on trees etc,etc. Im having a photoshoot with the most wondeful photographer:D Franchesca, Soo excited.
I want my tragus to heal before Christmas, it's infected lol.
Anyways I'm off to beach:D WOOOO!!!

x.

Equinox

I'm truly amazed by some people's expectations.
Half of them have no idea what they are doing.
Others do things without even thinking.
And others do what they believe is right.

I know what I want from everything and everyone. I sometimes even try perfecting the mistakes people make, changing them, making them right. Somehow not wanting to be in that position, the position I was in before. Where your darkest nightmares came true, where you have no idea where you are, you're like a lost soul, trying to find their way back, but they just can't or they're just not trying hard enough.
There are no answers. Only questions. Why?, How?, When? Why me?
I know that no one can be perfect, no matter how hard you try you'll always make mistakes. It's life, tough? I know, but remember, it wasn't meant to be pleasant, It was a punishment.
I sometimes even hate it how some people can be so careless. They don't care about how our world is slowly getting destroyed every day. I mean we have so many beautiful things around us and think, if you destroyed the things you loved most, then you ended up with nothing, absolutely nothing. What's going to happen if we end up with nothing? Will you care then?

x.

Moving Forward

I fell down, I got crushed, I fell apart and I bounced right back up.
I feel really good knowing that I'm fighting the pain and I'm winning. I've grown not just strong enough to bare it, but strong enough to destroy it and destroy anyone who would try bringing it back.

It's not that hard to locate the truth anymore, I now know what I'm doing before even I've began doing it. Another thing, the truth never set me free so I just did it myself. I'm slowly re'claiming my happiness, thanks to my friends and who ever else, that stood by me through this, I will always be there for each and every one of yous. Thank You.

This could really be the end, but it's only the end of your presence. You will take a huge part of me with you, and it will remain with you forever. But it is also a new beginning for me, the right way for me to do things, my way, not feeling like someones holding me back. Having freedom, enjoying freedom, loving freedom.

The End. X

Get Me Out Of Here.

I need to run, run away from all this.
It's not good for me. All it does is knock me down; over and over again.
I hate it. I hate every single part of this place. All it does is bring me pain, it keeps me empty and hollow.
I cry, the tears run down my cheeks they dry. Then it starts again. And again. And again.
The truth is boiling in my blood, it's ready to explode. But I won't let it.
And then there is a memory, a memory remembered this day. It will be an unforgetable memory that will last forever.
All I asked for was freedom, Is it really that hard to get?

Relieved

"Following your feelings will lead you to their source. Only through emotions can you encounter the force field of your own soul."

Finally.
School has ended, for the next 2 weeks.
I'm really glad it;s over, the last week filled me with anxiety and exhaustion.
All these exams, assignments and dancing routines. Plain boring.

Anyways. I'm pplanning to study and go out most of the time on these holidays.
The study is to get me prepared for my yearly exams, which will start when I go back in school.
I'm also getting my nails done haha, I'm getting them yellow with smiley faces, after all it's spring and I really like smiley faces.
That's all for now.

xoxo