We always leave.

Hi, I'm writing to you as a diary this time.

So dear diary.
I don't think I can breath any longer.
Each time I take a breath, It's no use to me.
It doesn't change anything. It doesn't change the fact that every second I'm losing my mind.
My tears are cold tonight. Icy on my cheeks.
How much longer will this take.
I can assure you that the pain is back. A second time.
The throbbing pain in my stomach. Like someone is punching me repeatedly.
I don't know how to control it. I've grown too vulnerable to do so.
I'm not happy. I haven't been in about two whole years.
I can no longer find the urge to pull myself back together.
I've lost all hope. Maybe I should just give up already.
Nothing is willing to change. I have lost everything that really meant something to me.
I ache. The agonizing pain rips itself through my stomach. Shredding it. Tearing it. Leaving ragged, unhealed gashes and wounds.
No one will ever know what it feels like.
And It will never end.
So I will just enjoy it. It's all I have.
Pain.