Equinox

I'm truly amazed by some people's expectations.
Half of them have no idea what they are doing.
Others do things without even thinking.
And others do what they believe is right.

I know what I want from everything and everyone. I sometimes even try perfecting the mistakes people make, changing them, making them right. Somehow not wanting to be in that position, the position I was in before. Where your darkest nightmares came true, where you have no idea where you are, you're like a lost soul, trying to find their way back, but they just can't or they're just not trying hard enough.
There are no answers. Only questions. Why?, How?, When? Why me?
I know that no one can be perfect, no matter how hard you try you'll always make mistakes. It's life, tough? I know, but remember, it wasn't meant to be pleasant, It was a punishment.
I sometimes even hate it how some people can be so careless. They don't care about how our world is slowly getting destroyed every day. I mean we have so many beautiful things around us and think, if you destroyed the things you loved most, then you ended up with nothing, absolutely nothing. What's going to happen if we end up with nothing? Will you care then?

x.

Moving Forward

I fell down, I got crushed, I fell apart and I bounced right back up.
I feel really good knowing that I'm fighting the pain and I'm winning. I've grown not just strong enough to bare it, but strong enough to destroy it and destroy anyone who would try bringing it back.

It's not that hard to locate the truth anymore, I now know what I'm doing before even I've began doing it. Another thing, the truth never set me free so I just did it myself. I'm slowly re'claiming my happiness, thanks to my friends and who ever else, that stood by me through this, I will always be there for each and every one of yous. Thank You.

This could really be the end, but it's only the end of your presence. You will take a huge part of me with you, and it will remain with you forever. But it is also a new beginning for me, the right way for me to do things, my way, not feeling like someones holding me back. Having freedom, enjoying freedom, loving freedom.

The End. X

Get Me Out Of Here.

I need to run, run away from all this.
It's not good for me. All it does is knock me down; over and over again.
I hate it. I hate every single part of this place. All it does is bring me pain, it keeps me empty and hollow.
I cry, the tears run down my cheeks they dry. Then it starts again. And again. And again.
The truth is boiling in my blood, it's ready to explode. But I won't let it.
And then there is a memory, a memory remembered this day. It will be an unforgetable memory that will last forever.
All I asked for was freedom, Is it really that hard to get?

Relieved

"Following your feelings will lead you to their source. Only through emotions can you encounter the force field of your own soul."

Finally.
School has ended, for the next 2 weeks.
I'm really glad it;s over, the last week filled me with anxiety and exhaustion.
All these exams, assignments and dancing routines. Plain boring.

Anyways. I'm pplanning to study and go out most of the time on these holidays.
The study is to get me prepared for my yearly exams, which will start when I go back in school.
I'm also getting my nails done haha, I'm getting them yellow with smiley faces, after all it's spring and I really like smiley faces.
That's all for now.

xoxo

Pull me out from inside.

I will never, ever forget about you.
Time passes and it will continue passing.
But you never will.
You'll remain there and it will kill me.
You have believed my lies and I'm glad about that.
Why?, because you will never be able to handle the truth. You will think differently.
I wrote you a letter with all my thoughts and feelings. It's a shame that you'll never see it.
I guess i'll leave you as a memory in my mind, a memory that will haunt.
I don't care about the pain anymore, I'm used to it. But I hate how I let it control me sometimes.
I broke things, things that are easy to break, I saw them as being weaker and breaking them felt good.
Everyones sick of me for not running or leaving or forgeting about this. But honestly not many people could understand what's going on. After all their my thoughts not theirs.
I'm afraid now, afraid if you will remain forever, afraid that I would like to re-claim you in a different person.
I even make it sound so bad lol. But really, really now.
This is a catastrophe.

Un-Answered

And you’ve failed again.
I don’t even know if you ever try hard enough.
Where is the trust?
So how can I trust you, when I feel like I don’t even know you anymore?
I’m not giving up on you because I know that you can become better.
But you disappoint me. Over and over again.
You are powerless; you have nothing because you don’t strive for it.
You intend to just let it go, carelessly every time.
I tried figuring you out, but you always have an excuse to get out of it, not wanting to tell me things and leaving me confused.
I guess you still haven’t grown up yet, you’re still that immature little child.
Denying you did something wrong, running away from things and leaving questions un-answered.
You even know I’m more powerful.
Now I choose to stop sharing my thoughts with you, Nor give you advices, nor help you out.
To me it’s just a waste of time when you don’t even bother taking them, when you even know
I’m right.

9/9/2009

Muaahahaha it's the 9/9/2009.
Believe it or not, number 9 is my favourite number.
It's cool.
I recieved my elective sheet and I chose Visual Arts and Drama.

Anyway i'm not here to talk about my electives.
I'm here because I'm bored and I like blogging on this thing.

So yer, I lost one of my most precious friends, i really did love him, he was absolutely amazing.
He made me smile all the time, he was always there, he kept me happy, he made me stop worrying about unimportant things.
He even loved me, and I appreciated he’s love, but it didn’t last.
It was probably because of that stupid so called “complication” of mine.
The “complication” most people know of. I didn’t want him and he knew that, I wanted someone else, someone that meant the world to me, someone who satisfied me. I feel so selfish; all I thought of was myself and how to get my happiness back. I made him feel the pain I felt, I told him horrible stuff.
I regret it now.
I wish I could re-claim his friendship, his honesty, his trust, his love.
I will do anything to get this amazing person back.
I miss you A.