Selfish

When are you ever going to learn that the world doesn't revolve around your finger?
To me you are stupid. I find you in places where you don't belong.
Where can you belong in my life?. I can't make a choice for you, that choice has already been made and it wasn't by me. If I had a choice it would of been different.
You're worthless, not good enough to waste my time on.
We are close, I would do anything for you, but all you do is fuck me over.
I keep trying, trying my hardest to show you that this is not how I ever wanted you to treat me, that you're not doing anything good for me, that you're hurting me, that you're making me Hate You.
Hatred is not a good choice between us. You are the force that is pushing us apart, away from our friendship, away from our trust.
It seems like you couldn't care less about our friendship, that this is nothing and you wouldn't give a f*** if anything happened to it.
Like those wonderful days and nights where our stomachs ached from laughter, where the only thing we could do was run, run freely, brushing our hands though those colourful flowers meant nothing.
I don't want to lose our friendship. I don't want to lose you. You have a part in my life and I don't want to put you out of it.
I can't put you out of it. You are family.
Although to you it could be nothing, I could be nothing.
Everything about you is careless, Of course why would you care? The only thing you truly care about is yourself. Everything is about you.
Don't try denying it, it will only show the effect it has on you and the anger it's caused you, it would only make it worse. I know you pretty well to judge or else I wouldn't bother. You can't prove me wrong, no one can.
If you can and think that our friendship is something and it will last, Then I would suggest change, because change is what you clearly need now, a change that would bring the laughter back, the happiness, the immortality of our friendship.
The change that would prevent the hatred I'm developing for you.

x.

Please don't mind me crawling on your back.

I'm trying to look for a way to start this but all I can say is that I am truly happy.
Everything's pretty much returning to the way I wanted it to be.
Things are looking up. Finally.
You're gone, the past has gone and I know that I will not miss any of it because I know that I'm better off without it..

Holidays are in 2 weeks time. I want to leave this horible place. I want to go on a holiday, somewhere beautiful, somewhere amazing, somewhere where it has the most beautiful sunsets ever. Queensland-Gold Coast, Yes I want to go there so badly this summer.
Hopefully I'll go, unless something stupid happens that would ruin everything. That's when I'll be really pissed.

I'm also excited for Christmas, Yes, presents, Santa, Colourful lights on trees etc,etc. Im having a photoshoot with the most wondeful photographer:D Franchesca, Soo excited.
I want my tragus to heal before Christmas, it's infected lol.
Anyways I'm off to beach:D WOOOO!!!

x.

Equinox

I'm truly amazed by some people's expectations.
Half of them have no idea what they are doing.
Others do things without even thinking.
And others do what they believe is right.

I know what I want from everything and everyone. I sometimes even try perfecting the mistakes people make, changing them, making them right. Somehow not wanting to be in that position, the position I was in before. Where your darkest nightmares came true, where you have no idea where you are, you're like a lost soul, trying to find their way back, but they just can't or they're just not trying hard enough.
There are no answers. Only questions. Why?, How?, When? Why me?
I know that no one can be perfect, no matter how hard you try you'll always make mistakes. It's life, tough? I know, but remember, it wasn't meant to be pleasant, It was a punishment.
I sometimes even hate it how some people can be so careless. They don't care about how our world is slowly getting destroyed every day. I mean we have so many beautiful things around us and think, if you destroyed the things you loved most, then you ended up with nothing, absolutely nothing. What's going to happen if we end up with nothing? Will you care then?

x.

Moving Forward

I fell down, I got crushed, I fell apart and I bounced right back up.
I feel really good knowing that I'm fighting the pain and I'm winning. I've grown not just strong enough to bare it, but strong enough to destroy it and destroy anyone who would try bringing it back.

It's not that hard to locate the truth anymore, I now know what I'm doing before even I've began doing it. Another thing, the truth never set me free so I just did it myself. I'm slowly re'claiming my happiness, thanks to my friends and who ever else, that stood by me through this, I will always be there for each and every one of yous. Thank You.

This could really be the end, but it's only the end of your presence. You will take a huge part of me with you, and it will remain with you forever. But it is also a new beginning for me, the right way for me to do things, my way, not feeling like someones holding me back. Having freedom, enjoying freedom, loving freedom.

The End. X

Get Me Out Of Here.

I need to run, run away from all this.
It's not good for me. All it does is knock me down; over and over again.
I hate it. I hate every single part of this place. All it does is bring me pain, it keeps me empty and hollow.
I cry, the tears run down my cheeks they dry. Then it starts again. And again. And again.
The truth is boiling in my blood, it's ready to explode. But I won't let it.
And then there is a memory, a memory remembered this day. It will be an unforgetable memory that will last forever.
All I asked for was freedom, Is it really that hard to get?

Relieved

"Following your feelings will lead you to their source. Only through emotions can you encounter the force field of your own soul."

Finally.
School has ended, for the next 2 weeks.
I'm really glad it;s over, the last week filled me with anxiety and exhaustion.
All these exams, assignments and dancing routines. Plain boring.

Anyways. I'm pplanning to study and go out most of the time on these holidays.
The study is to get me prepared for my yearly exams, which will start when I go back in school.
I'm also getting my nails done haha, I'm getting them yellow with smiley faces, after all it's spring and I really like smiley faces.
That's all for now.

xoxo

Pull me out from inside.

I will never, ever forget about you.
Time passes and it will continue passing.
But you never will.
You'll remain there and it will kill me.
You have believed my lies and I'm glad about that.
Why?, because you will never be able to handle the truth. You will think differently.
I wrote you a letter with all my thoughts and feelings. It's a shame that you'll never see it.
I guess i'll leave you as a memory in my mind, a memory that will haunt.
I don't care about the pain anymore, I'm used to it. But I hate how I let it control me sometimes.
I broke things, things that are easy to break, I saw them as being weaker and breaking them felt good.
Everyones sick of me for not running or leaving or forgeting about this. But honestly not many people could understand what's going on. After all their my thoughts not theirs.
I'm afraid now, afraid if you will remain forever, afraid that I would like to re-claim you in a different person.
I even make it sound so bad lol. But really, really now.
This is a catastrophe.

Un-Answered

And you’ve failed again.
I don’t even know if you ever try hard enough.
Where is the trust?
So how can I trust you, when I feel like I don’t even know you anymore?
I’m not giving up on you because I know that you can become better.
But you disappoint me. Over and over again.
You are powerless; you have nothing because you don’t strive for it.
You intend to just let it go, carelessly every time.
I tried figuring you out, but you always have an excuse to get out of it, not wanting to tell me things and leaving me confused.
I guess you still haven’t grown up yet, you’re still that immature little child.
Denying you did something wrong, running away from things and leaving questions un-answered.
You even know I’m more powerful.
Now I choose to stop sharing my thoughts with you, Nor give you advices, nor help you out.
To me it’s just a waste of time when you don’t even bother taking them, when you even know
I’m right.

9/9/2009

Muaahahaha it's the 9/9/2009.
Believe it or not, number 9 is my favourite number.
It's cool.
I recieved my elective sheet and I chose Visual Arts and Drama.

Anyway i'm not here to talk about my electives.
I'm here because I'm bored and I like blogging on this thing.

So yer, I lost one of my most precious friends, i really did love him, he was absolutely amazing.
He made me smile all the time, he was always there, he kept me happy, he made me stop worrying about unimportant things.
He even loved me, and I appreciated he’s love, but it didn’t last.
It was probably because of that stupid so called “complication” of mine.
The “complication” most people know of. I didn’t want him and he knew that, I wanted someone else, someone that meant the world to me, someone who satisfied me. I feel so selfish; all I thought of was myself and how to get my happiness back. I made him feel the pain I felt, I told him horrible stuff.
I regret it now.
I wish I could re-claim his friendship, his honesty, his trust, his love.
I will do anything to get this amazing person back.
I miss you A.

29/8/2009- Helix Pierced

Entering spring.
It's a beautiful day out there, the warmth of the sun is pleasant, the air is fresh and the flowers are bright with colour.
It's windier than usual, I like the wind, it runs through my hair, I feel freed.
I'm planning on doing some shopping with Olivia today and also getting my Tragus pierced. Hope parents won't mind.

Here we are, at the crowded shopping centre, nothing new yet. Come on- bring on the spring fashion!!!
I wonder how my spring trend is going to look like, when I set it up. I say bright colours, with my favourite colour red.
Something pretty, something fresh.
I want those red love heart glasses, their fresh.
Too bad I can't find them here, in OMD.

Anyways. I spent my money on a beautiful scarf, it has roses on it, it's pretty and also I bought lots and lots of lollies, chocolates and sugar stuff. Sugar's yummy.

Piercing. I wanted my tragus pierced, but stupid law said that I had to have a parent with me and no way in the world my parents would let me pierce my tragus.Olivia wanted her Helix pierced, good thing a friend of ours worked there, at that store and she pierced it for her.Since I wasn't allowed to get my tragus pierced, I rang up my mother and asked her if I could get my Helix. She said no at first, but then she agreed.
Click. And Yaayyyy I finally got my third piercing. It has a beautiful, sky blue diamond on it, based on my birth stone. Oh and I'm still getting my tragus pierced later, when I'm 16.

So yeah spring does bring happiness to the world.

Warning

I'm not here to satisfy you.
I will not be able to excite you anymore.
This is not for someone, it's for everyone.
I just got my happiness back and no I'm not willing to loose it again.
I'm not going to let any asshole come and take it away from me.
I may seem as a nice person and trust me I am.
But however I can make your nightmares come true.
I can be selfish.
If you're coming into my life for no reason or you just want to play around with my feelings, then I would suggest that you should change your mind.
Just a warning.

Silver-

I don't intend to write alot of things on here.
I've been too busy doing other things than using the net.

All I want to say is that I trully miss you Staphroula, Silver Staphroula, My Best Friend.
I have never forgoten you and I never will.
Even if it seems that we are worlds apart, you are always a beautiful memory to me, I treasure and protect.
I still remember, before we got torn apart, that we made a promise, a promise that would be kept and never forgoten. That promise was that we would always stay best friends, not matter what, and we even signed BFF "Best Friends Forever" on a blank piece of white paper with 2 little bears holding flowers next to it.
I never said a proper goodbye.
I miss you and I love you.
You will always be my Best Friend Forever-BFF.

x.

WTH!!!!

When Im supposed to feel broken, smashed, pulled, pushed, depressed, worthless.
I feel relieved.
I feel happy.
It's either how I trully feel or my mind is playing tricks on me.
I had no hope in nothing and to be honest I wasn't waiting for something amazing to happen.
I just let the waive take me wherever it desired.
Everything's still there, just not the pain.
Is it going to come back? Or has it left once and for all?

Nightmare

I'm trying so hard to be happy again.
It seems impossible. My happiness does not seem to return.
I chase it, I catch it and then I just let it slip through my fingers.
I don't even know how it happened, one flash and it was taken away from me.
My thinking is constant. I'm thinking so much about things.
My concentration is indescribable. I focus so hard on things, even unimportant things.
I want those to stop.
I want to pause my life so I can finally clear my head.
Everything seems so dull, so confusing, so insecure.
It feels like when you're in a dream.
You're running and you're chocking for breath.
You're running, but no matter how hard you try, you just can't run fast enough.
You can't move your legs, they feel heavy. You're whole body feels heavy it doesn't seem to respond to you.
This is not a dream, it’s a terrifying nightmare.
I want to wake up.
But can I?

Emotion

“When sadness comes, just sit by the side and look at it and say,I am the watcher, I am not sadness,” and see the difference. Immediately you have cut the very root of sadness. It is no more nourished. It will die of starvation. We feed these emotions by being identified with them.”

Pieces

Meh i’m tired.

I thought i should come here and write some things down so they can stay out of my head.I’m annnoyed at some people.I can’t sleep much at night, it’s annoying.I’m never fully sutisfied.And i’m still running to get to the other side.

x.