From heaven to hell

You used to say things like "You are my everything", "what my life consists of". Now nothing feels like that anymore. I don't know how it came to this, I no longer feel like your princess. Just an extra. Everything I do or say is instantly an attack towards you, an objection or a crime. Maybe, just maybe if you weren't being so distant, everything would be perfectly fine. You used to touch me in a different way, you used to look at me in a different way, smile and laugh with me. Agree with me on most things, hold my hand and tell me you liked it. You used to take away my emptiness and fill my life with colour. None of that happens now. I am contantly empty, lonely and I have no way of expressing that but in tears. Because expressing that now is no longer an option because everything is misunderstood. I miss you, I miss everything. I'm too afraid to say it though. You take things and throw them back at me, giving nothing in return. Everything seems far away, everything is becoming more wrong as time passes by. I want to be happy and be with you. I want everything to go back to the way it used to be. The time where you actually gave a fuck about me.

Falling

I understand that I what I have done looks as wrong as ever, but it has taken absolutely everything from me. I feel as empty as a hole. The only thing Ive been good at is cry myself to sleep and wake up to myself crying. Nothing is worst than feeling this pain. I feel emotionally drained and I wouldnt mind if earth opened up and swallowed me right now. I may sound as a drama queen or whatever the fuck some of you want to think. These are my raw emotions I havent been able to write, mainly because i cant see the screen properly. I want to skip life, skip anything that would take this pain away. I can't just continuesly sob every night until I become fully empty. I need you, I need something thats not a constant reminder of how things used to be and maybe, just maybe I will never be able to have them back. That's what will really kill me. A new pain i never knew I'd ever encounter after all this time. This is not something I can just walk away from and instantly let go of. It will haunt me, once again. You'll be a constant reminder of something that I could never have and lost out of complete stupidity. I've never been this weak before, Ive never felt so lifeless in such a long time.