It's just me

I can't quite comprehend how I'm feeling right now. I feel a mix of exhaustion and distress. It eats me from the inside really, not being to find my own way back from difficult situations. I sometimes wish I had someone leading me in the right direction, so I could come clean with my true self and be a better person. I feel so much agitation towards most things, because everything leaves me behind. I have never in my life believed in completely relying on someone for happiness. However I still haven't managed to find the happiness of my own. I don't have many ways to keep myself happy and after a short time they become quite useless and boring to me. I'll never be quite fully satisfied with my surroundings, yet I feel as if I push the boundaries way too far for me to get what I want. Which is not completely the right thing to do, or so I think. I am a good person, yet my mind fools me sometimes.

Him

I can feel him lingering everywhere, not just in my mind, but in my room. I never understood how something so empty could be filled with just simply one person. To me he's magical, something completely out of the ordinary, he's like poetry. Poetry that is not written to be analyzed; but rather to inspire without reason and to touch with understanding. I remember everything every once in a while and I suddenly become aware of how lucky I am to have him. I hear his heart sometimes, I hear it racing and when I ask why, he tells me its cause of my presence. I find it hard however to let go of him, I don't want this magic to ever leave, even when its only for a few days. I want him to remain with me forever, because thats where he belongs and nothing sounds more perfect than spending every single second wraped in his arms and letting all of his scent linger on me. He'll never know though, he'll never know how much he truly means to me.