Outcomes

It is so exhausting, knowing that everything you have done for a person will eventually go to waste. People can barely ever be pleased and they are always wanting more. They always want what they can't have. I have never felt so isolated in my life. This year had been the toughest year, considering the fact that it involves alot of isolation from he outside world, to gain time and take care of studies in order to meet certain expectations. I climb as high as I can because people encourage me to and all I get in the end is how "dominating" I've become and how I've been putting everyone below me. Doesn't the road of success involve stepping on others in order to get as high as you'd like to be? I can't just simply fade into the background and expect to be suddenly noticed by someone out of the blue. I have to make sure that people notice me and take me seriously for who I am. I have come way too far to fail now and if that leads to a few broken hearts then be it. Life goes on and people gain more insight of their lives every day. The next time someone tries to express their so called "ungratefulness" towards me, I will simply shut them out and continue being my confident self, as i climb my way up that fucking ladder.

Define the meaning of

It's been such a long, long time since I've blogged, however I would like to change this. I always find myself in the stupidest situations, situations that tear my life to pieces bit by bit. I feel so alone. I try so hard to be creative and aim to inspire others, yet I fill them with envy and hate for me. The truth is that my presence fills the room with an intense atmosphere, if I don't get something right, my mood shifts and changes, bringing others down with it. It is not my fault, it is just how I see and react to things and this way people hate me for it. I have experienced so much hate in my life it's tearing me apart. People around me, friends, close ones, family all seem to fill me with darkness and push me as far away as possible. Now I'm utterly unsure if this is just the sadness I'm addicted to, or it is actually the truth that others sometimes try to mask. I used to not care, not to give a flying fuck or a rats ass about what anyone thought of me. But this is different, I try doing something good by someone and all I recieve is criticism and how much bad I'm doing. I just feel so alone, a failure and I dont know how much longer ill be feeling this, I just need someone to save me and tell me that I actually have a place in this world.