Dragonlady.

The bitch is crazy.
Nothing satisfies her and it's as if she's against the whole universe.
She doesn't accept what's been said and she's completely ignorant.
Striving and even reaching for perfection, doesn't persuade her.
Comparison is her first option.
A hypocrite, who hollers and growls at everything that's been said.
Arguments are only won with pain and hurt. She doesn't understand, until the dagger is driven right through her heart.
You show her love, she doesn't appreciate it. You show her understanding, she doesn't appreciate it. You show her the right way, she doesn't accept it and just simply runs away.
She's made mistakes, big ones. Her mistakes are her nightmares. They are haunting her and turning her life into filth, not worth living.
I don't care anymore, there is no conviction.
Just pierce her heart with words like a dagger and twist.
It doesn't have to be that way though.
She needs to see the light, the truth another way.
Live what I've lived. Think the way I think.
But she won't do that.
She doesn't know who I am, I'm not like her.

x.

You shredded my stomach into pieces.

I sat there today, listening to the man with the black suit and black tie, talking about whatever he was talking about.
He was great at everything he was saying, blurring words, digging them into our minds, showing us that what we are doing is wrong.
But that's not the point.
He mentioned it, mentioned the feeling, the comittment.
I found myself gasping for breath, I tried looking for what was eating me from the inside.
It was the feeling, the feeling I had when you were around.
It came to me again, the pain was back. Drilling itself through my stomach.
A log started building itself in my throat, waiting for me to burst into tears.
But I knew better.
It took me a moment to recover, to push everything away, far away and focus on what was happening. I made myself think that this was just a lecture, making myself forget the pain, loss and the mistake I'd done. Snapping back to reality once again.
Although I saw you once again today. I hated it, you haven't changed one bit.
Same cold look into your eyes, as if you were looking right through my soul.
But I can't forget it, you were everything I needed and I couldn't ever have.

x.

Don't look behind you.

Where exactly am I going with this.
Being questioned about who I was, who I am and who I will be.
How am I supposed to know? I never gave myself the time to think about "Tomorrow".
Just hearing about it made shiver and fill my heart with ice.
What frustrates me is, that it is not in my hands. I can't just do or choose what I trully want. There are alot of other expectations from me out there, from different others. There are boundaries to everything I do.
What if I stop existing by tomorrow?
What is the point of planning something that's not willing to happen?
I'm not wrong nor am I right, I have my own view of things and I'm willing to go with it. To go with the gift I've been given.
I don't rely on future, future is not set on stone and things change, people become different from time to time.
For now, I'll be trapped in present.
Peace.

x.