Don't beat yourself up over it.

That’s what she ended up saying to me.
I was losing it, completely.
How could I be ever replaced? I was there when you were choking, I was there when you almost took your own life, I was there when you were huffing blood from your lungs.
I was simply there when you needed me.
Now here you are, splitting me into half, one half for the good, one half for the bad.
Fuck you, if you ever even thought about replacing me.
I never mistreated you once, I let down my guard and i trusted you with my whole heart.
You are an infuriating, attention seeking, immature idiot. They don’t even know that you’re a whore. I wonder what they would think if they did.
I was so blinded, I can’t believe it. Thank you for the ones who pointed it out for me in the beginning, and I’m sorry I never believed any of you. I was so in-considered.
I hope you had your fingers crossed very tight when you were spilling all those lies, I could see right through you then, see you denying the truth.
How could I be so naive.
x.

Recovery

Things haven't been like this in a such long time.
Although I cry myself to sleep most nights.
My breathing seems to be slightly less heavier I suppose.
Or is that just an assumption? I don't really know.
I don't know if I'm growing stronger or weaker.
Or maybe I'm just moody, it isn't bothering me as much.
But I'll let it go. Just like I let everything else go.
Easy up, loosen everything, cold fresh air, through bloody lungs.
I'm messing up maybe a little, but no one has to find out right?
I will hide it like I've hidden everything else before.
No ones going to wonder, no ones going to know.
I sounded so psychotic right this instant. It scared me a little.
But as I was typing. No one knew anything. So it will stay as it is.
I'm slowly losing my mind now.
I'm going to leave and not look back.
I'll let the wind blow through my hair, and leave a cold breeze on my neck.
Once the sunsets, I will close my eyes.

x.

Another Chapter.

I don't know what's happening to me.
I can no longer hold myself together.
I can no longer hold the tears back. I have grown weaker than ever.
I am giving you myself, wholly, and it still doesn't seem good enough for you.
I don't deserve this, I really don't.
I can't put all of my pieces together alone.
I need you to be there, to help me pick them up at least.
I need you to be there, to a full extent. I need you to be there like I am for you.
I thought that maybe perhaps this could be more than just a game.
Games get played, and if you fall in love. You lose.
To me now love is fake, it is no more than just a hoax.
No one showed me true love, so why then shall I believe in it.
So let's play the game, But I'm warning you I won't lose.
I keep my promises.

x.