Vulnerable.

You and you're memories are all coming back again.
To break the walls I've built to keep you out.
Out of my head, out of my site, out of my memory, out of my mind.
I can't say I don't miss you, you were everything I desired after all.
But all you did was get what you wanted and then walk away.
Leaving me with unhealed gashes. F.A.G
I might be a little bit afraid. Afraid of nearly everything this life throws at me.
Vulnerable.
Thinking, Dreaming or Hearing anything about you is unhealthy.
You need to stay out, you have to stay out of my head completely.
I'm way better off without you.
And you probably already know that.
You know I need you, I always do but I'm holding on very hard so I don't end up throwing myself at you again. ever again.
But I know I will. So be ready.

x.

When Everything Becomes Nothing.

I seriously don't know where I'm going with this or how long it will last.
I feel fine, I feel perfect but it's so easy for me to fall down and start tearing.
It's disgusting, since when was I ever like this. I can't feel my strength anymore.
I find it hard to find the urge to fight my emotions, the reckless ones, the ones that make me feel like a pile of shit.
I'm starting to hate nearly everything and love only a few.
The damage has been done, the wounds are healed but turned into scars. So what exactly happens when you start damaging those scars again. It's just the same pain, the same hurt and just simply the same damage as the first time.
I need it to stop, but how can I when every now and then someone enters my life and screws everything up.
I even regret letting some people in my life. They're all a bunch of assholes.
I have a big heart and big dreams, I'm definitely above average but at the same time the scars are still visible, to everyone. It's like they aim for them, wanting to bring the aching, the dull, steady pain back.
I had everything from time to time and suddenly, it was like everything was nothing. It just disappeared.
And I know want it back.