Hell, part II.

"Maybe you're better off alone, you're independent and smart, you don't need anyone"

Maybe I am.
My whole life, I've looked at people around me and none of them have quite satisfied me. I don't even have a role model. I can't find someone worthy enough for me to rely on and look up to. I haven't found anyone that can show me a better way. I sometimes believe it is because I have been consumed by power and the need to be alone. I don't like involving myself with those who are lower than my level. The ones that find doing the wrong things, right.
I mean of course, you are "young" and you should fool around as much as possible before all the rules and consequences kick in. But what happens when you're so focused on "having fun" and creating these imaginary worlds, and they all end up crashing down before your eyes at once. What happens when reality hits? What happens when the weight of the world is now on your shoulders and you're not prepared?
I sometimes feel blessed. That this gift I've been given is remarkable. The ability to see things clearly as they are. The ability to figure out what is really wrong and what is right, without someone having to point it out to you.
I was never taught these things. I taught them to myself. I had to figure everything out on my own, and still do, all the time.
However I refuse to share these things with the ignorant. I don't want to be the one showing people their paths, I don't really have time for that, and even if it were shown, they would gladly reject it, so why bother?
It saves me time, pain and walls not entirely caring for the mistakes someone makes. If I find no real gratification from the person in front of me, then I just leave. I leave so I'm not the one being hurt, and I leave them to whatever they think is right for them. I walk out knowing that this person did not belong in my life

Hell, part I.

I can no longer shout or scream. I have lost my voice.
No one can hear me. No one will ever be there.
Who am I supposed to run to all the time?
All those backs are turned on me. Is it maybe time that I turn my back on the whole world?
Either way I fee like I'm losing everything. Everyone walks away.
You know, it'd be nice to know that someone has entered your life and they are willing to remain there forever. It's nice to know that you're not always the one being left behind.
How much longer am I going to dwell in this darkness of dolor?
The only things I feel right now is despondency and emptiness. As if my stomach is being burned, stabbed and punched repeatedly.
Never in my life will I ever rely on a person, I'd rather be alone than to be hurt repeatedly.